Everyone has a point when they just can't take it anymore... a point when they break down and cry like they are 10 months old.. and well I hit that point tonight. Landon is a co-sleeper (sleeps in my bed like I swore I wouldn't do) and for the last 10 months its been fine.. annoying at times, but we deal with it. I get more sleep that way, and with three kids I need as much sleep as possible. So anyway.. its been ok for the last 10 months.. but the last couple of nights its been a battle to get him to sleep and than once asleep he's been whining in his sleep and moving around and STILL waking up for bottles! Tonight was no different... I layed down hoping to get him to sleep rather quickly so I could have just maybe a half hour of "me" time... WRONG! He flipped and flopped and sat up and plopped down and wiggled and babbled for a whole half an hour.. finally I got sick of it and put him in his crib.. just to let him cry for a few minutes so I could pick him up after he wore himself completely out and hopefully he would fall asleep so I could read for a little bit before going to sleep myself... WRONG AGAIN! I walked in his room after only letting him cry for maybe 3 minutes because I felt back and BARRRRFFFF!!!! He F*n pukes EVERYWHERE! So while cleaning him up, the bed up, and the floor up... we both sobbed... I cried like I was 10 months old... I couldn't help myself. Day in and day out I do for everyone else.. someone always needs something, there is always something to be done.. why can't I just have some time for ME!?!??!?! **sigh**
Finally I got everything cleaned up... I picked Landon back up and I sat down on the couch... he started humming (that's what he does when he's really tired) and closed his eyes... and then all of a sudden it hit me, and it went something like this... "What the hell am I pouting about (as I'm watching him drift off to sleep) I am so freakin lucky... my kids are healthy, my husband loves us all so much... we have a roof over our head (a nice roof at that) food in our cabinets, enough money so that we can keep our kids busy in sports and activities, we have an amazing family, great friends.... and here I sit feeling sorry for myself because I don't get any "me" time... There are people out there that would do anything just to hold their child for one more minute because they aren't here on earth anymore and here I am trying to get a minute to myself... I really need to stop feeling sorry for myself and count my blessings... this could all be taken away in a second. **sigh** "
So I'm better now... I guess having three small kids got to me for a second, but I am so thankful for the blessings I have and wouldn't change a thing. Now I better get off here and catch some z's while I can... Landon will be waking up soon for a bottle ;-)
I think all mommies have their 'moments' like that. It is stressful 24.7.365!! A meltdown every once in awhile is completely acceptable!!
ReplyDeleteHave dad watch the kiddos & take a really long shower. It will be like a mini vaca ;)
I have lots of meltdowns...kind of embarrassing to admit, but I do! I run myself so thin and want everything to be done RIGHT.NOW, and struggle when things don't go perfect.
ReplyDeleteMaybe try getting up before all of them and catch up on some TV or take a walk. I've been doing that this week and it seems to be going better. I'm up by 6a, run or walk the dogs then water the plants and I feel great (until 3:00 when I'm dozing off at my desk)! Even spending 15 mins to update the budget helps me....and I HATE updating the budget! =)